The Grace of Disappointment

I read this in a chapter of "Lost in the Middle", a book I've been reading about midlife crisis. (Might sound strange for a woman of 30 to be reading, but it's mostly about contentment.) I really enjoyed this because so much of what I've been experiencing is disappointment and disillusionment. To know that God is behind it brings me so much joy and peace!

"If God is the God of grace, then he must be the author of disappointment as well. Since his grace calls us away from our bondage to ourselves and the resulting slavery to anything that we think will make us happy, it is necessary for God's grace to lead us to moments of intense personal disappointment. He must cause things that we would put in his place to fail to produce, to fall through our fingers, or to prove unable to satisfy us. He is a jealous Redeemer. He cannot share the allegiance of our hearts. He knows that the things of this earth will not satisfy us. He understands that we were designed for relationship with him, and that this is where the highest of human joys will be found. So, he leads us through the pain of loss, disillusionment, discouragement, and failure, not because he is unable to rescue us from these experiences or because he is unattached and uncaring, but because he loves us so much and is providing a greater rescue."
-Paul David Tripp, "Lost in the Middle"

Where I am

Haven't written in a while because I think I've been too lost and disoriented to write a clear thought with a positive message. So I am glad to be writing now, at last. Can I just say how thankful I am for friends who you don't have to explain things to, but they have walked where you are walking and can help hold your hand and guide you through the deepest chasms of your soul. (Thanks Joanna!)

I am encouraged because this weekend, a lot was revealed to me. The Lord finally took the blinders off for me to see the good purpose of what has been a very discouraging period of my life. Long story short...at the beginning of the year with the work trials, there was a point of submitting my soul to God and saying "I'll love you no matter what"...looking back, I had faith that God was going to bring me through the trial, but I had also tacked on my own expectations of what the outcome would be...and let's just say that the OPPOSITE has happened. So in my mind...I was faithful to through the trial, and in the end, I was left with a list of unfulfilled expectations (that I can only see now in hind sight). Now I am at the real point of submission...this is where the real test begins. Will I serve God...will I submit to God....will I love God if He doesn't give me what I want? Recently these questions have been hard to answer because I'd judge God as being unfaithful to me through that last trial. Now though, I'm starting to see the problem, as usual, is all with me, my desires, my expectations and even the source of my ambitions. It's amazing how much sin can be packed into these little hearts of ours. But I was especially encouraging during a prophetic reading on Sunday by this verse:
1 Peter 1: 6-9

In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been
grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your
faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be
found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.
Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you
believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory,
obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

I'm reading Psalm 73, 1 Peter 1:3-9, Galatians 5, Psalm 131, Prov 1: 20-23 and Hab 3:17-19. These are all helping to remind me that God has a bigger plan and bigger purpose than I can currently see. I don't have big faith right now...but I have just enough to hope that soon I'll be able to answer again in faith, "Yes God, I'll love you, no matter what".

Piper on Suffering

This is an excerpt from Piper's sermon on Suffering. I'd suggest listening to it if you are going through any trials...big or small!

I have come to see that pain and pleasure come to us not as opposites but as Siamese twins, strangely joined and intertwined. Nearly all my memories of acute happiness, in fact, involve some element of pain or struggle. (Christianity Today, Jan. 10, 1994, p. 21)

I have never heard anyone say, "The deepest and rarest and most satisfying joys of my life have come in times of extended ease and earthly comfort." Nobody says that. It isn't true. What's true is what Samuel Rutherford said when"I accept being put into the cellars of suffering because the Great King keeps his wine there". Charles Spurgeon said: "They who dive in the sea of affliction bring up rare pearls."

Christian Hedonists will do anything to have the King's wine and the rare pearls—even go to the cellars of suffering and dive in the sea of affliction.

He's Holding me up!

In the past few months, I've been learning the difficult and trying lesson of submission to God while undergoing persecution. While Christ is the only truly innocent man, it's hard to not feel a sense of injustice when everything [whether good or bad] you do is criticize and scrutinized. Living under a microscope of someone who neither respects or supports you is challenging! Enduring in submission to God with humility is the only way to proceed through it.

It's been a joyful road for the most part...Mainly due to the understanding that God's dealings with me are good...this has given me faith from the onset that this trial will be a very Romans 8:28 experience for me. I am looking forward to seeing God change my character, grow my faith, increase my trust and soften my heart. I need these changes desperately, and if this trial is how He chooses to produce such fruit in my life, I am grateful and thankful for Him mercy in condescending to make it happen.

I couldn't do it of my own strength...and He knows best how to produce the most fruit. I'm weary and tired...but trust that if I wait on the Lord he'll renew my strength...I'll run and not grow weary, I'll walk and not faint! I'm learning to depend on him in a way I've never had to before...and it's beautiful and secure!

"Make every effort to make a good interpretation of God's dealings with you" -Jeremiah Burroughs.

...and the fun ends!

Well, these past 2 weeks have been pretty rough. Long story VERY short, my work experienced a 50% turnover rate within 72 hours of my last post. I was quite challenging for me because I'd really been seriously considering leaving as well and this just changed my circumstances so much that I very quickly had to rethink things. For those who know the actual details, you probably know that there was a lot of fear involved on my part and I have struggled as to whether to apply for a promotion. I have decided to apply, not really thinking that I will get it, but with the hopes that it will show my desire to one day be promoted (if I'm there that long).

The great thing that has come of this is that my heart was prepared, at least emotionally, for a few separate other mini trials that came along. I don't know why God allows them to bunch up like this, but I guess it really causes that 'testing of your faith'. I am encouraged by how my 'prone to wandering' heart has responded to these trials...there are definitely moments of anxiety, fear and doubt, but overall, I am resolved, by God's grace and through the Spirit's help, to trust the Lord as I walk through these mini trials and just wait to see God be faithful. God has reveiled to me my lack of submission to His will for my life. In the past I have resisted Him and the road He's prepared for me...I don't want to resist anymore...I don't want to contend with God...I want to submit and cooperate so that I can reap the harvest that my faith and obedience will bring. So...tough but exciting times in my life.

Andy understands...

Work Fun!!!

Kelly, my co-worker, is having a birthday on Sunday and we surprised her by decorating her office in Disney Princess theme. SHE LOVED IT!

Here she is blowing out her candles...I decorated that cake for her. :)

Very cute
Yeah...we don't play around!

For lunch we took her to PF Changs...these are my co-workers: (Left to Right) My Boss, Kerri, Janis, Kelly and finally, me.

Wedding Weekend and New Year's

What a fun weekend! We started off Friday night with the rehearsal & rehearsal dinner...(All these pictures were taken on Laura's camera...thanks!!) Here's me and Laura at the dinner...we enjoyed ourselves, even though it was a bit rainy...and our little walk to the car with no major accidents. Whew!

Here we are at about noon on Saturday after we'd gone and gotten manicures and mocha's. I'm lookin' a bit rough...but it's amazing what a 3 hour prep time will give you time to do. Here's Laura and I helping lace up the back of Claire's dress
Here's our finished product-my sister just cut and colored my hair...cute, eh?
All the bridesmaids and the bride
We decorated the car...and I have the blue paint on my dress to prove it.

We had a New Year's party at Andy Nack's house. Here's me Val and Laura...getting ready for the ball drop! Andy set up the projector outside so we could all watch it...we had noise makers, hats, confetti poppers and an actual ball drop (below)...and then a little surprise!These are fireworks that Andy set off in his back yard! It was so exciting!!!Next Gavin and Andy Carr proceeded to down the leftover glasses of sparkling cider. I don't remember who won, but I'm sure it was a fantastic victory!After midnight, we went inside and we taught swing dance lessons...we got some new pros now! I am here with the guys because we were short on girls...so I was filling in. :)
Some of the dancing crew getting instructions
Val and Blake cuttin' a rug
Happy New Year

Movie recommendation and cry for help

If you haven't seen "Enchanted" yet, cancel your Christmas plans and buy a ticket. If you don't like it, I'll pay for your ticket...well, maybe not...but after seeing it 3 times, I'd say I'm pretty much a fan. It's GREAT because it's intelligent, innocent and brings out the hopeless romantic in even the coldest of hearts.

And now my cry for help....the Sagraves are having a Gingerbread decorating contest for Christmas...anyone have any stellar ideas of a theme or cool decorating styles that will help cinch the title for me? Sagraves are pretty competitive. It's just like gravity, why deny it. So comment below if you have any grand ideas. :)

Here are a few fun pictures from our Christmas party this past weekend. Really fun time...I mostly enjoyed my brothers and sister-in-law being there. My favorite dances were with my brothers...and my favorite converstation was planning future Christmas traditions with Krista. (I am so blessed!)

So...now I'm done...go buy your ticket to Enchanted and let me know how much you LOVED it.

Happy Thanksgiving from the Sagraves.

Last night we had our family pictures made...this event usually includes fake fart noises, babies fussing, closed eyes, sore cheek muscles, outbursts of laugther.... it's a GREAT time! Last night was actually pretty mild compared to some of our past experiences...guess we're old pros now. The Sagraves Women

The Sagraves Men

The 4 Younger Kids

The 4 Older...no...let's call us the "Mature" Kids

The Mature kids- plus spouses

The Immature Mature Kids

The WHOLE Sagraves Family!

Absolutely Clear

Don't surrender your loneliness
So Quickly.
Let it cut more deep.

Let it ferment and season you
As few human
Or divine ingredients can.

Something missing in my heart tonight,
Has made my eyes so soft,
My voice
So tender,

My need of God
Absolutely clear.

-Daniel Ladinsky

Oh Taste and See...

Wow...It's Friday morning before my Walk and I'm sitting in the office amazed at how WELL this week has gone. Thanks for those of you who I know have been praying for me. In my office, I have Proverbs 16:3 on the door and it says, "Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established". These event weeks tend to be stressful and overwhelming, but wow! By the Grace of God, this week has almost not been that way at all. I think I could get used to this!

Remembering good times past...

Wow...those were the days. I think this was 2004.

But this I call to mind and therefore I have hope!

"Teach us to place our happiness in thee, the blessed God, never seeking life among the dead things of earth, or asking for that which satisfies the deluded, but may we prize the light of thy smile, implore the joy of thy salvation, find our heaven in thee. Thou has attended to our happinessmore than we can do."
~Valley of Vision

Just checkin' in

Haven't posted in a while. Works is keeping me busy. Good news...looks like I may have a roommate moving it!! I've been praying about finding a roommate for the last year or so...but it's just never seemed to work out. So...I am excited about the possibility of just having someone in my home to build a relationship with, for the extra accountability and for the practice it will give me in selflessness. (Living by yourself is great! But it can definitely encourage laziness and selfishness....hence the reason I'd been praying about a roommate...I don't need to grow anymore in those areas than I already am!) :)

This past weekend we had a dinner for Beth's Birthday at PF Chang's on Friday and a dinner for Gavin on Saturday at Cha Cha's. We had loads of fun both nights...enjoy the pictures!

The gals after dinner!
Our server was awesome...here's Beth blowing out her candle!
Okay...this is us laughing at the dude below...you can laugh too, cause it's funny.
awesome
yep...we're still laughing...

We had to get a picture by the horse...pretty funny.

For Gavin's birthday, unfortunately there weren't a lot of guys available, so poor Gavin had to spend his evening with a bunch of pretty ladies. So...Val had this great idea that we all come in one at a time and hand him a flower. Above we are at Kroger getting our flowers and directions and ready to head to Cha Cha'sHere's Gavin watching the first few come in...me giving Gavin his flower..."Happy Birthday"Esther made Gavin a big "G" cake....very cute!Mark ended up making it back in town and came with us....so he was the last of the group to come in and he gave Gavin 2 flowers. :)
Leslie and Gavin...so goofy!

Gavin and his lovely flowers!

Weekend Fun

Esther invited some friends up to her Uncle's cabin for the weekend. We had great fun. Some pictures are below, but the rest can be seen on http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=39695&l=deb60&id=677850354 )

Mexico Mission Trip Pictures

To look at my Mexico pictures, click here: http://picasaweb.google.com/jlsagraves/MexicoMissionTrip2007

Mission Trip to Mexico

We're heading to Mexico on Saturday [5:30 AM departure time!!] Please pray for our safety and health. They are going to be updating the trip blog so if you'd like to check that out, go to http://www.cckinmexico.blogspot.com/

Leslie's Birthday Trip to the Biltmore

Leslie's birthday was Saturday and we took her to Biltmore for a fun-filled day of V-necks, random acts of proposing, and one LONG hike.

Here is our entire group, minus Ryan who acted as our cameraman throughout the day [he was in town visiting and came along to celebrate LB's birthday] Isn't the Biltmore amazing! If you've gone and want to go...ask me about it...I'll give you the 411Happy Birthday Leslie!

Above we are on the 'back porch' of the Biltmore. It was BREATHTAKING! We arrived at 9:30am and toured the house until noon. We were ready for our wonderful picnic on the grounds...but we ended up just staying in the parking area...it was easier and we were hungry. Next stop was the Conservatory, Gardens and finally, the Winery!
Claire and I...we're hot...literally! Sweaty and hot!

Here is our entire group [from left to right]Andy Nack, Casey Holbrook, Chris Koboldt, Laura Luster, Leslie Bowden, Me, Claire Williams, Beth Williams, and Esther Peden. Thanks to Ryan again for being our photographer!

Here we are at the Conservatory...I'm waiting in the doorway Leslie, me, Beth, Esther, Chris and INTRODUCING Ryan!

After the Conservatory we walked into the gardens and split into several groups. There were lots of talks about proposals that had happened here and we started having a little fun with that topic.

Esther, Laura and Beth at the Boat House [at this point we were anxiously awaiting the return of Casey and LB]

Me, Claire and Chris...again...waiting and wondering. Here they come...Casey said, "I was about to ask her when Andy and Ryan came over and ruined the moment".
Dinner was a hoot! We had the funniest time at this little place called "The Front Porch". I was watching the band play and the mandolin player made a weird face to his band mate and it just cracked me up...apparently I was very animated in my response because he saw me...which apparently messed him up cause he started laughing...and when the song was over, he called me out in front of everyone. He was entertaining to us the rest of the night. Did I mention that the restaurant had a "Mexican, Italian, International" theme? It was pretty dang funny.

Can you tell which guy was being funny?? CRACKED US UP!!

Bye bye boys

Have fun stormin' the castle

You think it'll work?

It'll take a miracle...

Bye!

Fam pictures

Yeah...this is me and Andy at Sara's Graduation a few months ago! He looks like he's over having his photo taken. :)
This is a photo of the 'original' Sagraves ladies. Aw...how precious!

Boundless Article and McCulley's Response

I was reading this Boundless article [I'm Just Not Attracted to Her] yesterday and it made me cry. I think it was especially meaningful to me because, let's face it, I'm not a size 4 supermodel. Worldly beauty is not a standard I will ever be able to attain.

While I was tempted to play the 'victim' card and not look at my own life, I know too much of my sin to think I was only on the recieving end of this wrong thinking. What hurts my heart is how I see myself and my friends [female and male] size eachother up on the basis of looks. I think if we all really took a good look in the mirror we'd agree that we don't want to be loved for our looks, but for who we are...essentially who God made us to be. It's a deep desire of everyone's heart. This is a GREAT article that I would highly recommend...not because it's going to necessarily rock your world, but I found it exposed some of my own tendancies to judge according to what I think is acceptable for my own 'elite' standards.

Carolyn McCulley posted a response to the article on her blog as well.